Gov Newsom Bans Iranian Terrorists from Destroying California: ‘Don’t Worry. I Got This’
SACRAMENTO — In a bold move to protect the Golden State's monopoly on high-stakes political theater, Governor Gavin Newsom signed...
Gavin Newsom
CNN adds Gavin Newsom to panel on ‘What It’s Like Being Black & Poor in America’
ATLANTA — In what network executives are calling a “definitive step toward radical empathy,” CNN has confirmed California Governor Gavin...
Newsom Conducts High-Profile Drive-By Shooting in Compton to Prove He’s ‘Just Like Them’
COMPTON, CA – In what aides are calling “a decisive step toward national healing,” California Governor Gavin Newsom personally piloted...
BREAKING: Imprisoned Venezuelan Dictator Nicolás Maduro surges into 3rd place in 2028 Democratic primary race
WASHINGTON — In a development political analysts are calling “both inevitable and deeply cursed,” imprisoned Venezuelan strongman Nicolás Maduro has...
Gavin Newsom gets bold makeover to ‘appear more presidential’
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom unveiled a dramatic new look this week, sporting a bleach-blond combover and a radiant spray tan...
Illegal Alien Who Killed 3 in Illegal U-Turn in Florida Surges to Top of 2028 Democratic Presidential Polls
In a plot twist that reads like a rejected Hollywood script, Harjinder Singh, an undocumented immigrant who scored a California...
Gavin Newsom Unveils New Gerrymandered California Map in Response to Texas Redistricting
SACRAMENTO—In what experts are calling “an ambitious and geographically aggressive” countermeasure, California Governor Gavin Newsom today unveiled a newly drawn...
BREAKING: Trump to rename San Andreas Fault to ‘Joe Biden’s Fault’
In a seismic shakeup that’s rattling both geologists and late-night comedians, President Donald J. Trump announced today his plan to...
BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Biden reassures California wildfire victims he will be sending $100 billion to Ukraine in their name
LOS ANGELES—In a heartfelt gesture of international solidarity, President* Joe Biden assured the victims of California’s devastating wildfires that while...
Gavin Newsom unveils fully-developed ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires
In a move that has absolutely nothing to do with prior preparation, California Governor Gavin Newsom has unveiled detailed, fully...
