The Genesius Times Guide to Cancel Culture

We’ve all heard of cancel culture, but what is it and who does it effect? Will you or I be its next victim? To clear things up, we at the Genesius Times have decided to layout this simple guide so you can easily navigate through the complex and unhinged world of cancel culture.

  • What is cancel culture? Cancel culture refers to a culture where everyone and everything is cancelled because it offends some really bored and dimwitted leftist snowflake living in his mother’s basement, eagerly awaiting to be offended by anything or anyone.
  • Will I be cancel culture’s next victim? Most likely, unless you’re G-D. Though to be totally honest, even G-D may not be immune to cancel culture, so you never know.
  • What are the criteria for someone or something to be cancelled? Well since you asked, we’ll provide you with a partial list:
  • You dare say there’s such a thing as cancel culture in the first place. Cancelled!
  • The years 0-2020. What a disaster.
  • It offends leftists for any reason whatsoever. Example: everything.
  • You’ve committed the slightest indiscretion without a ‘D’ next to your name. Read: Ted Cruz vacationing in Cancun with his family so they don’t freeze to death. Definitely cancelled.
  • Not being black enough.
  • Being too black.
  • You’re a Republican. Duh.
  • You’re a conservative. Ditto.
  • You’re a Christian. Read: Chris Pratt.
  • It can be interpreted as racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic even if no sane person would interpret it that way. Read: Dr. Seuss.
  • You’re a sexual predator, unless your name is Harvey Weinstein or Andrew Cuomo. That ‘D’ after their names really does wonders!
  • You’ve worn blackface, unless your name is Ralph Northam or Justin Trudeau.
  • You donated money to a children’s hospital and were discovered to have issued stupid racist tweets before you were an adult. No way you’ve matured since then. Example: Carson King (the ‘Busch’ kid).
  • You believe in the science of biology which holds that men are men and women are women. Read: J.K. Rowling.

Oh, and one more thing – anyone who dares to disagree with this article is cancelled.