Thunberg to Pope, “Have you accepted climate change as your lord and savior?”


The path of the evangelist is one of constant hope and failure, so one should not read too much into our resident hero’s–Greta Thunberg–bold efforts to bring the good news of climate catastrophe to the Pope. Thunberg, like a good disciple, is knocking on doors and pitching her faith with the fervor of a Mormon missionary. What a hero.

The Pope, for his part, has shown some willingness to entertain the angry gods of climate–having written an entire encyclical on the matter. But Laudato Si does not go far enough as it tries to frame the discussion in passe Christian terms. We must bring him the full good news that humans are parasites and the earth must be protected from us–especially the indigent poor–at all costs.

Greta brings great hope of resurrecting the climate friendly Aztec framework for dealing with Father Sun and Mother Gaia. Human sacrifice. What better way to restrict the growth of third world countries? Let us hope Greta has some luck in reversing the Aztec fate by turning the tables on Christianity, and converting the leader of their religion.

Oh what a day it would be to do unto the Catholics what they had done unto Sun worship. Gaiaspeed Greta, and let us hope you can convince the Pope that Climate Change is his personal lord and savior.