Trump Renames Labor Day ‘Capital Day,’ Says Without Capital, Labor is Just Slavery
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced early Monday that Labor Day would henceforth be known as Capital Day, a change he said restored the holiday to “the part that writes the checks.”
“Without capital, labor is just slavery,” Trump told reporters in the Diplomatic Reception Room, which aides had briefly restenciled Investment Reception Room. “You can have all the work you want. If nobody owns anything, you’re not on a picnic. You’re on a schedule. Very sad. We don’t celebrate the schedule. We celebrate the money that makes the schedule optional.”
An executive order titled Honoring the Means instructs federal agencies to replace “Labor Day” on calendars, parking signs, and mattress-sale circulars. The Department of Labor is to be consulted “as a courtesy.” The Department of Commerce is to be consulted “as the point.”
The White House fact sheet ran four bullets:
- Work is admirable.
- Work without capital is a slavery.
- Slavery is not good.
- The holiday had the wrong noun.
Asked whether the nation’s labor movement had spent a century arguing the opposite, the president said the labor movement had “done very well for itself” and should “enjoy the capital.” Asked whether calling work without investment “slavery” might offend historians, he said historians “don’t make payroll.”
Unions called the rename a stickup in broad daylight. The AFL-CIO said Labor Day existed because workers were not grateful enough for being employed. The Chamber of Commerce said it had not requested a holiday and would take one. A spokesman for a large retailer confirmed that Capital Day mattress pricing would be “structurally similar.”
Legal scholars noted that Congress created the federal holiday in 1894 after a strike, not after a round of financing. The White House counsel’s office said the original statute used the word “labor” at a time when people “hadn’t thought it through.” A revised greeting was circulated to ambassadors: Wishing you a productive Capital Day from the owners of the situation.
On the National Mall, a few barbecues proceeded under whichever name the host preferred. One man said he was off because of labor. His brother-in-law said he was off because of capital. They ate the same hot dogs.
Trump, departing for the day that was no longer called what it had been called at midnight, said the country could still rest.
“Take the Monday,” he said. “That’s capital. Somebody already paid for you not to show up. That’s the whole holiday. You’re welcome. Don’t thank labor. Labor is how you spent it. Thank the part that let you leave.”
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