Vegas releases odds for Ghislaine Maxwell being suicided next week


LAS VEGAS–Oddsmakers are having trouble finding people to bet that Jeffrey Epstein’s CIA and sex trafficking associate Ghislaine Maxwell will last more than a week.

At the time of writing, the odds were 7,410,733 to 1 that the defiant British socialite will be suicided within the week.

“If you know anyone that thinks this chick is going to make it, please give me a call. I’m going to have trouble making the vig on this one,” Cliff Judson, Oddsmaker for Caesar Palace Las Vegas said.

The report led President Donald Trump to wish Maxwell luck.

“Man, I haven’t seen worse odds since about 6pm on election day 2016, but we all know how that turned out,” Trump said.

Maxwell, 58, was arrested by the FBI in New Hampshire around 8:30 a.m., sources told Genesius Times. She was scheduled to be suicided in late July.

The just-unsealed indictment charges stem from Maxwell’s role “in the sexual exploitation and abuse of multiple minor girls by Jeffrey Epstein” as early as 1994, court papers say.

Epstein was suicided in 2019 after being held in suicide watch to prevent the prisoner from killing himself. He managed to “hang himself” with toilet paper and avoided testifying against the world’s most powerful pedophiles and child sex traffickers.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.