Walmart replaces deadly guns and vape pens at stores with several more rows of cigarettes

Operating on pressure from a vocal anti-gun lobby and pressure from Donald Trump to ban e-cigarettes, the World’s largest retailer Walmart will replace guns and ammo at its stores with several more rows of cigarettes.

“We thought it was in the best interest of our customers and the world at large to replace deadly and scary things like guns and vape pens with cigarettes, which are fine,” Walmart CEO Harry Belefonte said in an interview.

Walmart makes the decision to restrict guns and ammo sales after a crazed gunman killed several patrons at an El Paso Walmart weeks ago and after nearly 10 people died from vaping.

“Oh it totally makes sense,” industry insider Jerry Jabba said. “Sure, cigarettes are a filthy and disgusting habit that make the smoke look like a complete douche sucking on a tobacco phallus all the while annoying everyone around him, but guns are scary and e-cigarettes are competition for the tobacco industry.”

Walmart is calling the replacement a “Rollback on logic.”


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.