In the wake of the deadly pandemic that has engulfed the world, an even deadlier pandemic is taking root within each and every human body: xenophobia.

In the darkest corners of our bloodstream, angry white blood cells are plotting how to blame every ailment on the coronavirus particles.

“It ain’t about them being from the outside…” said one toothless white blood cell. “We’re fine with food particles, air particles, all kinds of stuff entering the body. We just want stricter controls to prevent deadly viruses from entering the body, too!”

Launching off into an ignorant tirade, the cell touted the long-debunked “cell-replacement” conspiracy. He claims coronavirus are just exploiting native cells for their resources, creating more particles of their own until eventually they’re the majority.

“I just feel so unsafe…” said one COVID-19 particle. “There’s so much hate for us. We just want to multiply like everyone else. How could you be against particles being happy and thriving?”

Coronavirus particles must currently attend “anti-infection” classes to help them integrate with the human body, but anti-hate cell activists are petitioning to remove this requirement.

“We’re certain these weekly classes will help coronavirus particles better integrate with the human body…” said one activist, “…even if it only take five days for symptoms to show.”

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