Hillary Clinton already finished writing Joe Biden’s eulogy
CHAPPAQUA, NY—Hillary Clinton announced she already wrote Joe Biden's eulogy for his upcoming COVID-related death."This is the exact kind of...
Year: 2020
Disney changes Splash Mountain to ‘Riot Hill’ where guests can experience exciting BLM riot
ORLANDO—Amid calls to change the Splash Mountain theme park ride because of its ties with the racist 1946 “Song of...
500 lb. helmet made to keep all of Colin Kaepernick’s hair perfect during next NFL game
Astrophysicists have been tasked with creating a football helmet to keep Colin Kaepernick's hair perfect if he should play in...
Trump promises to replace all torn-down monuments with statues of himself
WASHINGTON DC—Woke protesters have paused their widespread monument destruction after President Trump promised to replace all torn-down monuments with statues...
The Dixie Chicks have changed their name to ‘The Dicks’
The Dixie Chicks are now known as The Dicks. The country trio changed its social media handles, and their official website...
Experts confused why cities that haven’t had a Trump rally are seeing spikes in COVID cases
It has been established that people who attend Trump rallies are at severe risk of contracting the deadly COVID-19 disease...
Ozzy Osbourne hired to interpret Joe Biden’s speeches
As the 2020 presidential election draws near, Democratic strategists have been scrambling to find someone capable of interpreting their presumptive...
Sting now homeless after The Police are defunded
LONDON—Musician Sting is the latest victim of the "Defund the Police" movement. "The Police need to be cancelled" said activist...
Cuomo blames Trump for not telling him that nursing homes were filled with old people
Just look at the picture below. We see here Governor Jesus....uh Andrew Cuomo being celebrated for his amazing record of...
Roosevelt statue will stay if the horse transitions to a poor disabled biracial trans rainbow-farting unicorn
Statues are people too. Well, dead people but people nonetheless. CNN has redefined history as the last 15 minutes so...
