WASHINGTON DC—Austere businessman and philanthropist Hunter Biden has finally surfaced in Washington DC after hearing someone say she was going to “release the crack!”

“This is a great turn of events,” Biden said moving from news room to news room. “Where is that lady who said she was going to release the crack?”

Most Beltway insiders claimed to not know what Biden was talking about.

“You know she’s got a Southern accent. Tall lady. Hunts leopards. Please, tell me where she is!” Hunter said on a livestream.

If anyone has any information on the lady who is “releasing the crack”, the Biden/Harris administration would like you to please contact Hunter Biden by phone as he has no access to his email or laptop.

The self-proclaimed President-Elect Joe Biden has tapped his son Hunter Biden as his administration’s Food & Drug Administration Commissioner citing the younger Biden’s vast experience with crack.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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