BIG BEND, TX–President Joe Biden said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times’s George Snuffalufagus on Tuesday that his message to migrants is, “Don’t come over unless you want to be treated better than US citizens.”

Biden was at the border handing out gift baskets to everyone who ignored his message.

“Let me be clear: the border is not open,” Biden said wearing a sombrero and mariachi outfit. He then handed out hundreds of gift bags labeled “WELCOME TO AMERICA” to migrants streaming across the border. “I just don’t know how these rumors get started.”

One migrant allowed us to look into his goody bag.

“This is really just your basic humanitarian aid. Toothbrushes and toothpaste, healthy snacks, water…that sort of thing,” the migrant said. “We’ve also got a $8,400 stimulus check, a driver’s license, and a US passport. Plus five voter registration cards, and a Nintendo Switch for the kids.”

As a group of 50 or so migrants boarded busses heading North, Biden reminded everyone that they were not free to stay indefinitely. “I expect to see you all back here for your asylum court hearings in the next 7 to 10 years,” Biden told the crowd.

At that point everyone burst into laughter. “Just kidding,” Biden said with a smile. “We like to keep things light here on the border. Welcome everyone!”  

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Brady Thomas

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