WASHINGTON, DC–Following his stellar exit strategy that worked flawlessly in Afghanistan, President* Biden is sending over $80 billion in military-grade weaponry to Ukraine to leave behind for Russia, when we eventually withdraw from the country in three weeks.

Last year the Taliban seized US weapons left in Afghanistan worth billions — possibly including 600,000 assault rifles, some 2,000 armored vehicles, and 40 aircraft, including Black Hawks, according to reports–when they took over the country following the abrupt US exit that year.

“We looked at Afghanistan and everyone at CNN and the New York Times said I overperformed on that, so I want to match that as much as possible,” Biden said in a press conference.

Tensions have continued to rise as Biden threatened to bomb Ukraine if Russia didn’t invade soon.

“What we need is a clear-headed, systematic approach to destabilizing everything,” Biden said. “I think we’re in a good position for that.”

In related news, the ghost of Colin Powell now says that he has evidence that Saddam Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction are in Ukraine.

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