Joe Biden lies a lot. Like a ton. Like maybe even more than Trump, which is saying something. But how do you know if Biden’s really telling the truth or not? How do you know if he’s fabricated a story from thin air? Here are some cues to look out for:

1. He opens up his mouth. That’s a big clue right there that he’s lying.
2. He says “I’m not kidding.” Then he’s definitely kidding.
3. He says “I’m not joking.” Ditto.
4. He says “No, I’m serious.” No, he’s not serious.
5. He says “This is not hyperbole.” He’s definitely being hyperbolic.
6. He says “I’m president.” Nobody’s really sure who’s president, but it definitely ain’t him.
7. He does that weird thing during his speeches when he leans in to the podium and starts whispering some creepy incoherent nonsense that nobody can decipher, not even the sign language interpreter.
8. His story is about his son Beau. He’s definitely gonna make up some story about his son serving in the American Revolution, or something.
9. He starts talking about three-letter words like j-o-b-s. Words are hard for Uncle Joe.
10. He starts talking about the Second Amendment. He wouldn’t know what the Second Amendment is if it fell down from the sky and hit him in the face.

So there it is. If Biden says or does any of the things on our list, then he’s definitely lying. Seriously. This isn’t hyperbole. We’re not kidding. We’re not joking.

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Rafi Metz

Rafi is the king of satire, a master of his trade. Nobody is immune to his hyperbolic and satirical outrage. Nobody is spared from being the object of his incessant mockery. Because at the end of the day, everyone is a parody of themselves.

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