AUSTIN—In a surprising turn of events, the Supreme Court has extended an unprecedented offer to Texas, allowing the Lone Star State to continue defending its border under one condition: a strategic rebranding. The new moniker? “Texrael.”

Chief Justice John Roberts, flanked by his judicial colleagues, made the announcement with a hint of whimsy, declaring, “In the spirit of creative problem-solving, we’re offering Texas a unique opportunity. Embrace a new identity, and the border shall remain yours to protect. It’s the ultimate fusion of Lone Star strength and Middle Eastern resilience.”

Texan lawmakers, initially taken aback by the proposal, quickly huddled to consider the implications. Governor Greg Abbott, donning a cowboy hat adorned with a Star of David, expressed cautious optimism, saying, “Texrael has a certain ring to it. We’ve always been proud defenders of our territory, and if a name change is the key, then why not? Y’all better believe we’ll still be wranglin’ those border issues.”

The deal, affectionately dubbed the “Texrael Accord,” sparked a flurry of activity as graphic designers rushed to create potential new state flags featuring a Lone Star of David. Some proposed merging the iconic cowboy boot silhouette with a menorah, symbolizing the harmonious union of Texan grit and Israeli resilience.

In the midst of this rebranding fever, rumors circulated that other states were considering similar proposals to secure their borders. Arizona, intrigued by the Texrael concept, reportedly mused about becoming “Arizonrael,” while New Mexico tentatively explored the idea of “New Mexipolis.”

As the nation watches the Lone Star State contemplate its identity shift, the Texrael Accord has inadvertently set a precedent for border negotiations, proving that sometimes, the pen is mightier than the sword, or in this case, the fencing material.

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Jeremy Spoken

None of the snowflakes in an avalanche feels responsible.

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