The FBI and several correctional facilities including the jail where Jeffrey Epstein was killed have put US Representative Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI) on suicide watch after she announced her defamation lawsuit against Hillary Clinton.

“Clinton falsely stated that Tulsi—an Army National Guard officer and United States Congresswoman who has spent her entire adult life serving this country—is a ‘Russian asset.’ Clinton’s false assertions were made in a deliberate attempt to derail Tulsi’s presidential campaign,” Gabbard said in the suit.

“This is merely a precautionary measure,” FBI spokesman Lance Fumbleface said. “We have no reason to believe that Ms. Gabbard is suicidal except for the fact that she keeps interacting with Hillary Clinton.”

One study showed that life expectancy of a person declined precipitously the more he or she interacted with the Clintons and the APA recently released a report confirming that association with the Clintons was a leading cause of suicide in the United states.

“We wish her all the best but this is just crazy,” Fumbleface said with a sinister chuckle.

Gabbard will be in the race for the Democratic nomination until she is suicides sometime next month, it is estimated.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts