Adam Schiff: ‘I have proof Donald Trump is the son of Hitler’

WASHINGTON DC—Congressman Adam Schiff (CA-28) claims he has evidence that U.S. President Donald Trump is the biological son of the late German Chancellor Adolf Hitler.

“Republicans want you to believe that Adolf Hitler died in 1945, but now we have ample evidence that Hitler escaped Berlin to father and raise Donald Trump,” Schiff told reporters.

The Californian Congressman claims an anonymous source gave him the dossier which he shared with select Democrat Congressmen. All have since appeared on CNN vowing to support impeachment.

“Trump has never denied he is the biological son of Adolf Hitler,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, popping open a bottle of champagne. “Which is all the evidence I need to know he’s guilty.”

An anonymous source calling from Adam Schiff’s office told our reporters that when President Trump learned of the impeachment rumors, he began swearing profusely in German and tore open his button-down shirt revealing a tattoo of a heart around the words “Mein Führer”.

Schiff has already scheduled five years of investigation hearings. Speaker Pelosi announced the party’s intent to ignore governing the nation and completely focus on removing the President from the Oval Office to “save democracy.”