BREAKING: Catholic Cardinals Elect Joe Biden as Pope After Mysterious 3 AM Vote Surge
VATICAN CITY– In an unprecedented turn of events that has left the Catholic world reeling, the College of Cardinals has...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Trump Ends US-Canada Trade War with Bold Swap: Seattle and Portland for Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba
Washington, D.C./Ottawa, April 29, 2025 – In a move that has left economists dumbfounded, patriots clutching their Tim Hortons cups,...
Millions of new tariff experts unsure how to pay off their student loan debt
As America’s tariff wars reshape the global economy, a vocal army of self-styled “tariff experts”—ordinary folks with strong opinions and...
Climate activists protest Elon Musk by sending ‘NO DOGE’ smoke signals up from burning Tesla batteries
In a surreal twist of environmental activism, a group of climate warriors calling themselves "GreenSmoke Revolution" staged a fiery protest...
Fetuses identifying as MS-13 gang members to get Democrats to start fighting for their rights
US—Millions of fetuses across the United States have reportedly begun identifying as members of the notorious MS-13 gang, hoping to...
BREAKING: Trump agrees to transfer illegal gang members to the houses of Supreme Court judges who say he can’t deport them
In a stunning escalation of his immigration crackdown, President Donald Trump has announced a jaw-dropping new policy: transferring illegal gang...
Local liberal agonizes over which cold-blooded murderer to support today
SEATTLE, WA — Devoted leftist activist River Moonstone, 32, started their day with a crisis of conscience: which alleged cold-blooded...
Scientists now say that burning Teslas to the ground is better for the environment than not doing so
PALO ALTO, CA – Several scientists from the Institute of California Social Justice Science (ICSJS) released a study yesterday claiming...
BREAKING: All-Female Space Crew Aborts Mission After Failing to Parallel Park Shuttle in Orbit
VAN HORN, TX – In a galactic embarrassment for pop culture and private space travel alike, Katy Perry’s much-hyped Blue...
Trade war escalates: Trump slaps 150% tariff on Mitch McConnell’s wife
President Donald Trump announced a 150% tariff on Elaine Chao, the wife of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, in what...
