Jeffrey Epstein’s prison guards hired to ensure secure election in Philadelphia
PHILADELPHIA—The New York Metropolitan Jail guards who were watching Jeffrey Epstein while he was suicided have been brought in to ensure...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Masked man commits armed robbery in broad daylight
PHILADELPHIA—A masked man has committed armed robbery in broad daylight. The robbery occurred Friday morning at the Pennsylvania Convention Center,...
BREAKING: Biden breaks record for most dead votes ever for a presidential candidate in US history
US—Joe Biden has received more votes from dead people than any presidential candidate in U.S. history, surpassing the record set...
Nevada apologizes for technical difficulties while they try to steal the election for Biden
CARSON CITY, NV—Nevada election officials apologized for technical difficulties while they scramble to steal the election for Democratic presidential nominee...
BREAKING: Wisconsin officials find 170,000 Biden ballots on Chinese shipping container
MADISON, WI—It appeared that President Donald Trump was going to win Wisconsin in the 2020 election until—quite miraculously—election officials discovered...
PA election results delayed until 2022 due to use of Common Core math to tally votes
PHILADELPHIA—Election officials in Pennsylvania warned that they may not have results for the presidential election until some time after 2021...
BREAKING: Millions of Americans shocked to discover lots of people disagree with them
(CNN) A day after the national election, millions of Americans were shocked to discover that lots of people disagree with...
Democratic volunteers ensure deceased voters get ‘I voted’ stickers too
PHILADELPHIA—Democratic volunteers across the country spent hours ensuring that deceased voters received their "I voted" stickers on their graves. "They...
BREAKING: Chicago polls turning away voters for not being dead
CHICAGO—Despite repeated efforts to inform the public that living people can vote in Chicago just like dead people, many poll...
BREAKING: Biden gets largest turnout ever stopping by a Trump rally
BUTLER, PA—Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden got his largest turnout ever for a campaign rally as he made a last-minute...
