BREAKING: Biden bans assault breathing; mandates holding breath while in public
WASHINGTON, DC—In the ongoing fight against the deadliest disease ever, President* Joe Biden has outlawed assault breathing and mandated that...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Anti-mask student released from jail after promising to become a school shooter instead
LARAMIE, WY—An anti-mask Laramie high school student, Grace Smith, was arrested for trespassing after daring to come to school without...
Southwest cancels 1000s of flights, blames Jupiter’s Giant Red Spot overtaking US
DALLAS—Southwest Airlines canceled hundreds more flights Monday after the airline was forced to ground nearly 2,000 flights over the weekend, blaming...
CDC warns Democrats to not take ivermectin because ‘it kills parasites’
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Health Prevention (CDC) has issued a warning that Democrats and democratic socialists should not...
Petito family Photoshops MAGA hat on Brian Laundrie so the FBI will look for him
The family of Gabby Petitio have provided a new photo of the missing Brian Laundrie to the FBI. The photo...
Teen out on bail following ‘mostly peaceful’ school shooting
(CNN) ARLINGTON, TX—Timothy George Simpkins is out on bail following his role in the mostly peaceful school shooting at Timberview...
Biden praises Lightfoot for how many Chicagoans have ‘gotten shot’ this year
CHICAGO—In a rambling, incoherent speech, the most popular president in the history of the world pushed his vaccine agenda in...
Local woman fired for refusing to put something in her body against her will
A local woman, Lauren Preston, says she was fired by her employer for refusing to put something into her body...
FBI investigates FBI and finds it did nothing wrong in Larry Nassar case
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has reviewed its decision not to charge FBI agents for their misconduct during the investigation of former...
Biden taps Weinstein to lead ‘Jobs for Jabs’ program citing his experience putting things into people’s bodies for them to get work
WASHINGTON, DC—US President* Joe Biden has appointed famous Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein to lead his new "Jab for a Job"...
