Ilhan Omar Quietly Shuts Down Her “Quality Winary Center” as Ethics Scrutiny Intensifies
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move described by aides as “a routine operational adjustment,” Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) has discreetly...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Eric Swalwell resigns from Congress for stuff he totally didn’t do
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning development that surprised absolutely no one paying attention, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif.) announced his...
Swalwell Transitions to Black Woman, Prompting Immediate Dismissal of All Sexual Assault Allegations
WASHINGTON — Facing mounting calls to drop out of the California gubernatorial race after four women accused him of sexual...
BREAKING: Kamala Harris ‘Seriously Thinking About’ Losing Again in 2028
Washington, D.C. — In a development that has sent mild ripples through the Democratic Party’s already exhausted support base, sources...
Canada reveals new fully-inclusive LGBTQ+ acronym with 8 billion characters
Canadian activist group Identititarian Linguists Lithograph (ILL) have published a book containing the latest, most inclusive acronym for the LGBTQQIX2+...
BREAKING: Israel warns Trump that Tucker Carlson and Candace Owens are 2 weeks away from developing nuclear weapon
Jerusalem, April 10 — In a stark intelligence briefing delivered to President Donald Trump’s incoming national security team, Israeli officials...
UK Agrees to Let Kanye In If He Converts to Islam and Rapes At Least 5 White Girls During His Stay
LONDON — In a bold move hailed as a triumph for diversity, inclusion, and pragmatic border policy, the British Home...
BREAKING: Lindsey Graham Threatens to Jump From Washington Monument Unless U.S. Immediately Resumes Bombing Iran
WASHINGTON—In a scene reminiscent of a budget superhero movie gone wrong, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) climbed the Washington Monument Tuesday...
BREAKING: Civilizational annihilation put on hold for two weeks
Washington, D.C. — In a dramatic late-night Truth Social announcement that left national security analysts blinking in confusion, President Donald...
Pope Leo clarifies: Christ didn’t go to Hell after being crucified; He went to Portland
Vatican City — In a surprise clarification issued from the Apostolic Palace on Holy Saturday, Pope Leo XIV has revised...
