BREAKING: Paris Olympics Adds ‘Dodging Fire and Brimstone’ Event Following Blasphemous Opening Ceremonies
PARIS—In an unexpected twist, the 2024 Paris Olympics Committee has announced the addition of a new event: "Dodging Fire and...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
REPORT: Kamala Harris sacrificed two babies to Moloch to get Barack Obama’s endorsement
WASHINGTON, DC— In an unprecedented and shocking move, Vice President Kamala Harris has reportedly sacrificed two babies to the ancient...
MSDNC Poll: 5 out of 4 Americans Prefer Kamala Harris Over Donald Trump for President
NEW YORK— In a shocking and totally statistically sound survey, MSDNC has released a new poll revealing that 5 out...
BREAKING: Scientists warn that Earth could run out of conspiracy theories by 2025 if they keep coming true at the current rate
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND— In an unprecedented press conference held at the World Institute of Theoretical Absurdities, leading scientists issued a dire...
BREAKING: Insurrection is okay again
WASHINGTON, DC—The once-reviled act of undermining democratic institutions, has been given a stunning facelift. It appears that insurrection, historically frowned...
BREAKING: Hunter Biden wondering why no one wants to buy his paintings anymore
NEW YORK, NY — Hunter Biden, once the darling of the art world with his avant-garde pieces, is reportedly perplexed...
BREAKING: White smoke billowing from White House signifies that the Deep State has selected a new puppet to head the government
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a scene reminiscent of the Vatican conclave, white smoke billowed from the chimneys of the White...
Not to be outdone by Trump’s sneakers, Kamala Harris releases line of golden knee pads
In a bold move to outshine her political rival, former Vice President Kamala Harris has unveiled her latest venture: a...
BREAKING: Biden has been informed that he definitely doesn’t want to run for president anymore
WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprising twist, President* Joe Biden has been informed that he no longer wants to run for president...
Crowdstrike CEO: ‘Internet shutdown was successful test run for the real thing coming in November’
AUSTIN—Crowdstrike CEO Shawn Henry has announced that the recent nationwide internet shutdown, which affected voting machines and 911 service, was...
