Chicago celebrates Juneteenth by hosting 75 murders over the weekend
CHICAGO—As Juneteenth celebrations took place across the nation, Chicago decided to put its own unique spin on the holiday by...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Leave Every Light in the House On and the Doors Open and Other Great Gift Ideas for Father’s Day
Dads are notoriously difficult to shop for, so we're thinking a little outside of the box with these gifts! Each...
Chicago Unveils Nation’s First Vertical Landfill as Obama Presidential Center Opens
CHICAGO — The Barack Obama Presidential Center opened to the public this week as the nation’s first fully operational vertical...
Local Dad Also Agrees to Not Build Nuclear Weapons in Exchange for $100 Billion
US—Area father of two Brian Thompson announced Tuesday that he has reached a comprehensive agreement with international negotiators to suspend...
Trump Awards Himself Nobel Peace Prize for Ending War with Iran That He Started
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump bestowed upon himself the Nobel Peace Prize Tuesday morning, citing his extraordinary achievement in successfully...
Newsom Threatens to Seize Elon Musk’s Entire $1.1 Trillion to Fund Another 0.0 Miles of His High-Speed Rail Project
SACRAMENTO — Governor Gavin Newsom announced Tuesday that his administration is exploring legal avenues to confiscate Elon Musk’s full $1.1...
Democrats demand Trump go back to war with Iran so they can complain about him being at war with Iran
WASHINGTON — Citing a dangerous vacuum in foreign policy discourse, leading Democrats urged President Trump on Monday to resume military...
BREAKING: Federal Judge Overturns Iran Peace Deal, Orders U.S. to Resume Bombing
WASHINGTON — A federal district judge in Texas struck down the 2025 Iran Nuclear Peace Accord late Monday, ruling the...
Elon Musk Sleeping Horribly Due to His Hoarding $1 Trillion in Cash Under His Mattress
AUSTIN, Texas — Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, SpaceX, and several other ventures valued in the hundreds of billions, is...
“Elon Musk Is a Parasite,” Say Politicians Who Live Entirely on Extorted Taxpayer Money
WASHINGTON — A bipartisan coalition of lawmakers denounced billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk as a “parasite” Tuesday, arguing that his companies’...
