Crown threatens Prince Andrew: 10 more scandals and he’ll have to move into £30m terraced mansion
In a stern memo leaked from the newly rebranded Crown Discipline Office (formerly "Buckingham Palace – Back Office"), the monarchy...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Mike Johnson sees his shadow; means 12 more months of pretending to be a conservative
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a solemn ceremony that blended meteorological tradition with congressional theater, House Speaker Mike Johnson emerged from...
BREAKING: Walz launches MICE to deport ‘invading’ Americans out of Minnesota
ST. PAUL, Minn. — In what aides are calling the most Minnesotan solution to an increasingly un-Minnesotan problem, Governor Tim...
Escape from New York: 2026: New York is a communist utopia sealed off by mountains of garbage
In a bold move to update John Carpenter's 1981 masterpiece for the modern viewer who prefers their dystopias pre-approved by...
Bruce Springsteen releases ‘Born in the Somali-A’ in tribute of the financially savvy immigrants
In a bold artistic pivot that has left fans and critics alike reaching for their tax returns, Bruce Springsteen today...
BREAKING: Trump Ends Minnesota Standoff by Trading Minneapolis for Alberta, Canada
Washington, D.C. – In a move described by White House officials as "the art of the deal on a continental...
Democrats hand out fake Social Security cards to illegal immigrants during a ‘No One Is Above the Law’ rally
Washington, D.C. – In what organizers are calling a "bold step toward inclusive justice," top Democrats hosted a star-studded "No...
LIFE HACK: How to write off your involuntary donation to ‘Quality Learing Center’ on your taxes
In these trying economic times, savvy taxpayers are always on the lookout for clever ways to reduce their burden to...
BREAKING: People who want to tax cow farts are upset about Trump’s tariffs
WASHINGTON, DC—Green New Deal Democrats are reportedly fuming over President Trump’s latest tariff announcements—not because of trade imbalances or economic...
Ilhan Omar Wins Oscar for Best Performance in a Fake and Gay Staged Attack on Congressperson
HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a ceremony that managed to be both predictable and somehow still shocking, Representative Ilhan Omar was...
