Scientists now say that burning Teslas to the ground is better for the environment than not doing so
PALO ALTO, CA – Several scientists from the Institute of California Social Justice Science (ICSJS) released a study yesterday claiming...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: All-Female Space Crew Aborts Mission After Failing to Parallel Park Shuttle in Orbit
VAN HORN, TX – In a galactic embarrassment for pop culture and private space travel alike, Katy Perry’s much-hyped Blue...
Trade war escalates: Trump slaps 150% tariff on Mitch McConnell’s wife
President Donald Trump announced a 150% tariff on Elaine Chao, the wife of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, in what...
BREAKING: Democrats furious that Trump did what they’ve demanded he do
President Donald Trump announced a surprise pause on all U.S. tariffs this week, effectively halting the trade war with China...
Trade war escalates: Trump slaps 125% tariff on all of Eric Swalwell’s Chinese spy lovers
Washington, D.C. – The U.S.-China trade war reached a fever pitch this week as President Donald Trump announced a staggering...
Trump Ends U.S.-China Trade War with Bombshell Swap: Hong Kong for Portland, Oregon
Washington, D.C. – In a move that has left global leaders scratching their heads and cartographers reaching for their erasers,...
Local man dies from plume of neighbor’s disgusting new perfume
Evergreen Meadows, Suburbia – In a tragic yet fragrant turn of events, local man Carl Jenkins, 52, was pronounced dead...
Local dad makes sure kids don’t waste pennies leaving lights on so he can waste thousands in crypto
In the quaint suburban town of Evergreen Meadows, local dad Greg Thompson has elevated frugality to a performance art—provided it’s...
Dems who haven’t met a tax they didn’t love now worried about tariffs
For all of modern history, Democrats have had one consistent trait: they haven't really cared if the government makes things...
Cory Booker’s 17-Hour Education Filibuster Ends in Epic April Fools’ Prank: “I Had You All!”
In a stunning display of political stamina and theatrical flair, Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) concluded a grueling 17-hour filibuster on...
