BREAKING: All 11 of Mike Pence supporters were devastated to learn he has dropped out of the race
INDIANAPOLIS—The 2024 presidential race took an unexpected turn when former Vice President Mike Pence announced his withdrawal from the crowded...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Biden to replace all statues of white people with statues of George Floyd robbing pregnant woman
US—President* Biden signed an executive order earlier today instructing all municipalities to replace their racist statues of white people with...
BREAKING: AOC introduces bill outlawing mass shootings
Following a string of mass shootings, Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has had enough. "Welp, we were so stupid for so long...
Brave local man cuts off his penis so that other men won’t rape people with theirs
SPRINGFIELD—A brave local man, Hugh Janus, has cut off his penis so that other men won't rape people. This follows...
Americans praise Congress for not doing anything the last 12 days
WASHINGTON, DC—Congress has become the darling of the nation for its remarkable feat of doing absolutely nothing in the last...
BREAKING: Republicans considering making Alex Jones Speaker of the House after McCarthy’s ouster
In a stunning and seemingly surreal turn of events, sources close to the Republican Party have revealed that they are...
BREAKING: East Palestine, OH changes name to Palestine to get Biden to visit
EAST PALESTINE, OH—In a truly audacious move that has left the nation both bewildered and amused, the tiny town of...
BREAKING: Fox News unanimously declares Jeb Bush Speaker of the House
WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning and, some would say, bewildering turn of events, Fox News, the network known for its unique...
BREAKING: AOC forced to pay a carbon offset penalty for her livestream flatulent
WASSHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), often recognized for her passionate climate advocacy, has found herself in hot air - quite...
Ozzy Osbourne hired to interpret Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—Weeks into Joe Biden's presidency, Democratic strategists have finally find someone capable of interpreting what the hell he is...
