Harvard changes definition of plagiarism to: ‘work stolen by someone besides our first black president’
HARVARD, MA—In a stunning and brave move that has left academics and students alike scratching their heads, Harvard University has...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef
NEW YORK—A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein's pedophile island for $56 million, according to...
BREAKING: DOJ Indicts Hunter Biden for not giving any of his millions in bribes to the government
WASHINGTON, DC—In a peculiar legal maneuver that has raised eyebrows across the nation, the Department of Justice (DOJ) has chosen...
This Day in Fiery but Mostly-Peaceful History: Japan Bombs Pearl Harbor
(CNN) Japan launched a fiery but mostly peaceful attack on the United States at the Hawaiian naval base Pearl Harbor...
Ivy League Presidents correct lawmakers: ‘It’s not genocide, it’s *democratic genocide’
In a stunning display of intellectual prowess, Ivy League presidents Liz Magill, Sally Kornbluth, and Claudine Gay have come forward...
We’re DINKS and we want you to know how fulfilled we are by letting you know how fulfilled we are
In a world filled with acronyms, we proudly wear the badge of DINK (Dual Income, No Kids). But we're not...
Following Santos’ expulsion for being a lying money launderer, Congress expels all of Congress for being lying money launderers
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events that left the nation both bewildered and mildly impressed, Congress has collectively expelled...
Due to public outcry, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” has been replaced with, “DaM, Bit¢h It B FreeZin!”
Many activist groups have targeted the popular winter classic "Baby It's Cold Outside" as an artifact of rape culture, citing...
BREAKING: White House Christmas tree falls down to be closer to Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—In a heartwarming display of holiday spirit, the White House Christmas tree took a graceful tumble, making a bold...
Conor McGregor launches snake removal service in Ireland
DUBLIN—In a move that left the Irish countryside both bewildered and entertained, MMA legend Connor McGregor has expanded his repertoire...
