WASHINGTON, DC—No one is quite sure what US President Joe Biden’s immigration policy is, least of all, the president himself. That’s why the White House has appointed a new member to the Harris-Biden cabinet—A Democrat with extensive foreign policy experience who has been dubbed by his colleagues as “the engineer we all need.” The individual appointed by President Biden is, the Wizard of Oz.
The wizard is scheduled to set right to work as early as this evening. Biden expects the wizard to solve the border crisis and help with press conferences.
We asked President Biden if hiring the wizard was a good idea. The president immediately opened his notebook and found a page of what he wanted to say. He read the following to us word-for-word.
“It was my idea to hire the wizard. Definitely. He will help us find homes for the children at the border. If he can keep the Lollipop Guild happy, he can solve this crisis.”
Biden then tried to call on a reporter from the Damascus Dropbear, but we called our question out so loudly that he could not ignore it. We asked Biden why is it that former President Trump will soon be visiting the U.S.-Mexico border before he will. Biden then got in our faces, made a fist, and said the following.
“There is no crisis at the border! You’re a lying burro, that’s what you are! Just because there are more migrants at our border than there have been in the past 20 years does not mean that there is a crisis!”
We were immediately dismissed from the interview by several heavily armed secret service agents.
Other Democrats criticized the president for hiring the Wizard of Oz because the wizard is a white man. The complaints were withdrawn however once these Democrats found out that the wizard is also a Democrat.
The wizard released the following statement to us:
“My role will be subtle; you probably won’t even know that I’m there. But don’t worry, Biden has everything under control. So, pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”
The Wizard of Oz was then escorted away into the clouds by two flying monkeys.