WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden continues to innovate in the wake of a difficult fiscal situation for the United States. Faced with the first-ever government default, Biden made all Monopoly money legal tender to pay for his $3.5 trillion spending bill.

Biden has claimed that it would cost “zero dollars” because he would be using $3.5 trillion in Monopoly money.

Budget analysts were divided on whether the president’s math added up. The Penn-Wharton Budget Model, one of the most skeptical, calculated that Biden’s two proposals would spend $5.2 trillion and only raise $3.4 trillion in the first 10 years, the difference of which would be paid for by the colorful currency by Hasbro.

A Hasbro spokesperson said the company was prepared to cover all the expenses of the Biden administration.

“We have about M70 trillion in circulation right now but we are willing to print as much as Mr. Biden wants us too. We’ll even put his face on the new denominations,” Hasbro CEO Michael McFickleface said.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said the idea was brilliant and would be preparing to scour her grandchildren’s toy chest for the new money today to help out the federal government.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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