Biden to mandate 12-month paid vacation for all American workers

WASHINGTON, DC—In preparation of Biden taking office this week, the transition team has released a partial list of legislative items that Biden hopes to pass over the next four years. And yes, they’re as bad as you think. For any survivors of Trump’s tax cuts and repeal of net neutrality, this just might be the nail in the coffin. Take a gander at these golden nuggets of insanity:

The Voter Integrity Act – Makes it a felony to vote for a Republican

The Every Vote Counts Act – Requires the government to automatically add the nation’s deceased to the voter rolls in every state

The Trump Hasn’t Condemned Violence Act – Requires Donald Trump to condemn violence every five seconds for all eternity

The Manspreading Act – Prohibits the practice of manspreading by all those who self-identity as male

The Leftist Tears Tumbler Act – Establishes a secret police force to seek out and destroy all of Ben Shapiro’s ‘Leftist Tears Tumblers’ once and for all

The Communist Chinese Contribution Act – Law that requires every American to make a yearly contribution to the Communist Party of China

The Religion Containment Act – Requires all Americans to stay at least six feet away from all houses of worship to curb the spread of religion

The Rioting and Looting Protection Act – Law that requires Walmart to stock up on extra TV’s and other devices to prepare for the nation’s next riot and subsequent looting

The Abortion for McDonald’s Act – Gives every American who has an abortion a free happy meal from McDonald’s

The Fair Wage Act – Raises the minimum wage to $1,000,000 an hour

The Blood Test Act – Legalizes cheating on blood tests

The Hands Against Violence Act – Requires the government to cut off everyone’s hands to put an end to gun violence

The Paid Vacation Act – Mandates 12 months of paid-vacation for every American worker

Hurry, we have to move quickly to stop Biden from implementing his totally wacky and insane agenda! Maybe he’ll forget that he’s president or something, and his trusty advisor Dr. Pepper – his pick to head the Coronavirus Task Force – will have to remind him what he’s doing in the White House. Or he can just pass another law outlawing dementia and Alzheimer’s. Whichever happens first.