BREAKING: AOC says she was ‘nearly raped’ in Ukraine invasion

WASHINGTON, DC–Over a year after the War of January 6th, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has issued a statement that she was “nearly raped” in the nearby invasion of Ukraine by Russia.

“I heard the people shouting. They were coming after me. They were going to kill me then rape me,” Ocasio-Cortez said of the Russian invaders, holding back tears. “I’m pretty sure Putin just wants to date me.”

Ocasio-Cortez hid in her apartment bathroom all day as there was a partial collapse of state power, the take-over and partial destruction of key government buildings and overall, and most importantly, the failure of the Ukrainian government to react and engage in a meaningful dialogue with the Russians.

AOC said that the Russians were trying to rape her because, “they couldn’t date me.”

Others have cast doubt on AOC’s portrayal.

“She was vacationing in Florida. There’s no way that she was in any danger by the invading Russians,” Political analyst Sam Eagle said.

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