NEWARK, DE–Self-proclaimed President-Elect Joe Biden suffered a hairline fracture and bruised bones when his dog, Major, attacked him after finding out that Biden isn’t a man but rather one of the lizard people.
“They’re reporting the lie that Biden simply sprained his ankle when in fact the dog nearly killed the old fart after some of his fake human skin fell off revealing his green scaly lizard skin underneath,” an anonymous witness said of the incident.
The incident happened on Saturday, Biden’s office said in a statement, with the 78-year-old Democrat visiting an orthopedist on Sunday for x-rays and a CT scan.
“Dogs really are man’s best friend,” Genesius Times Canine Reporter Bernie Shepherd said. “But it’s a known scientific fact that dogs hate lizards. And they really, really hate reptilian satanic pedophiles elites.”
Doctors initially thought the former vice president had merely sprained his ankle, but ordered an additional scan of the injury.
A “follow-up CT scan confirmed hairline (small) fractures,” Biden’s personal physician Kevin O’Connor said in a separate statement distributed by Biden’s office. “He will likely require a walking boot for several weeks since Biden is cold blooded.”