BREAKING: China unveils new deadlier Dancing Panda virus at Olympic opening ceremonies

BEIJING—As promised, the new killer Chinese virus was ready for the 2022 Olympics opening ceremony, exposing everyone in attendance. Reviews are coming in hot:

“It was much crisper, more vibrant than Covid and the detail was incredible.”

“It immediately took my breath away, something that took Covid days to do.”

“I can’t say enough about the color… the green was florescent and powerful. You knew you were in trouble almost immediately.”

“Completely organic and climate conscious. The people it kills will help the carbon footprint.”

Chinese officials also announced that thanks to the Dancing Panda, the Uyghur death camps have been cleared out and the government’s atrocity index has been lowered almost a full point.

Many of the athletes complained of nausea, however that was due mostly to noticing Hillary Clinton in the stands.

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