KYIV, UKRAINE—The elite unit Rogen’s Rangers was deployed by the Biden Pentagon in the middle of the night to the small city of Shiczhpantz near the Russian border armed only with a collection of deadly interviews with controversial doctors.
Bivouacked in the hills just outside the city, Colonel Rogan had the camp on high alert responding to intelligence received from the Washington Post reporter, Jennifer Rubin that an invasion by the Russians would precede midterm elections.
Falling back on the months of training and team stunts on Fear Factor, patrols were sent out to find poisonous snake pits and Tarantula holes for scouts to stick their hands in.
Russian President Putin scoffed at the deployment focusing on the fact that none of the unit members had even attained Eagle scout status or killed a goat.
Colonel Rogan said that this would not impede his ability to continue his podcast and that the science behind Covid would eventually shake out.