WASHINGTON, DC—Dr. Fauci has been working tirelessly over the past year and a half to stay relevant for literally forever, if that’s even possible at this point. From one TV appearance to the next, the old doc loves basking in the brilliance of his own pride and ego.

So, it should come as no surprise that according to reports, Fauci has been collaborating with the devil on creating even more deadly variants than the ones we already have. In his latest scheme, Fauci mixed the Delta and Omicron variants together to create the even more deadly variant “Deltacron.”

“I can’t get over how brilliant I am,” Fauci said, congratulating himself on CNN for the 10 millionth time. “At first, I was concerned that once we defeat COVID and its many variants, my five minutes of fame wiould be over. Then I realized I could keep this thing going for a really long time by creating new variants once the old ones go away. Brilliant.”

Experts predict Fauci will continue his evil ways until the year 2583.

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Rafi Metz

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