BREAKING: Fauci used Chinese fortune cookie lucky numbers in COVID models

Genesius Times has discovered that top US health experts including Dr. Anthony Fauci used the lucky numbers from a local Chinese restaurant for his COVID-19 models on which the national lockdowns were based.

Fauci defended the use of the numbers as, “very science-y.”

The new normal has produced so many changes to our Urban Dictionary it’s hard to keep up. There’s Granular, Data-Driven, New Normal, Old Normal, Models, Antigen Tests, Fast Tests, Slow Tests, Antibody Tests…….

But there’s one word that no longer means anything. Science.

That word now means; “Don’t ask questions because it’s insulting. I don’t have time to explain science because I understand it and you don’t. Remember, I’m smart and you’re not. Science means it’s full of mathematics, physics, chemistry, statistics, really hard stuff, no, I mean really really hard stuff, you know, all the stuff you avoided in high school. Well, I didn’t, which is why I’m so smart and a scientist, and you’re not.”

“Don’t worry about trying to analyze data for yourself. Just look at what happened to almost 350,000,000 people. They tried to think for themselves and had to go home and rest for three months, 12 years in NY and CA. You don’t want that do you?”

“Data”, means we’re super smart, way smarter than you, and even if you say “data” after we said data, we said it first. We can even drive data. We don’t drive cars anymore, just data. Not only that but instead of ‘flattening the curve’ we’ve taken our cars and flattened them instead. Now were Data-driven and get way better mileage than you.”

“And don’t think we don’t know when you’re trying to think about science. We can detect it with our new Apple and Google apps. So please, just go back home, turn on the TV, and let all us scientists think about science. It’s for your own good. Remember, we’re scientists and we’re watching you with science.”