HEAVEN—Heavenly sources confirmed today that G-D has come out as gender neutral, and Their preferred pronouns are They/Them. They Themselves tweeted the news to Their 8 billion followers:

“G-D’s decision is a major victory for the transgender community,” an angelic source said. “The Holy One is relieved to reach this stage in Their lives, and They can finally live as Their authentic Selves. We have no doubt this will inspire others to follow in Their footsteps. And we hope this will remove the stigma of transgenderism that has plagued this world for far too long.”

Reports indicate that G-D has taken inspiration from many high-profile figures who have come out as gender neutral in the past several years, such as Ruby Rose, Asia Kate Dillon, and Demi Lovato.

Angelic sources also indicate that G-D will rewrite the Bible in gender neutral language, eliminating all gendered language. All references to man and woman will be deleted from the text as well, replaced by more gender inclusive language such as “they” and “them”.

Experts say the new and revised version of the Bible is expected to be the wokest book of the year.

About Author

Rafi Metz

Rafi is the king of satire, a master of his trade. Nobody is immune to his hyperbolic and satirical outrage. Nobody is spared from being the object of his incessant mockery. Because at the end of the day, everyone is a parody of themselves.

If you’d like to support my daily satirical outbursts, donations are always welcome by clicking here.

See author's posts