Biden awards AOC the Purple Heart for her bravery in the War of January 6th

WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden awarded Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) the prestigious Purple Heart medal for her military valor in the War of January 6th.

“It is a great honor to bestow this award on someone who really turned the tide in the War of January 6th at the US Capitol,” Biden said at a press conference following the ceremony. “Alexandra Cassius-Ortiz is one of the bravest people I’ve met and she really deserves this award and her country’s eternal thanks.”

Ocasio-Cortez said that she never thought she would ever be in a war and appreciates the recognition for her bravery.

“When I was growing up I never thought I would ever be in the military or in a war but sometimes, the war comes to you,” Ocasio-Cortez said.

Ocasio-Cortez locked herself in her office a mile away from the US Capitol during the War of January 6th and confused security guards looking for her for crazed insurgents.

“It was probably worse than storming the beaches of Normandy,” Ocasio-Cortez said of her experience.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer commended the award and said AOC deserves another one for inciting an erection at the Capitol.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.