BREAKING: Melinda Gates will become the 3rd richest man in the world after divorce

SEATTLE—Bill and Melinda Gates have announced their divorce after 27 years of marriage. The split will make Melinda the third wealthiest man in the world.

“After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we have made the decision to end our marriage,” a joint statement read. “Over the last 27 years, we have raised three incredible children and built a foundation that works all over the world to enable all people to lead healthy, productive lives.

Sources say that Melinda did not wish to be married to the world’s most notorious Bond villain, but others think it was about the money.

Right now, Bill Gates is estimated to be worth $130 billion.

“They’re going to split it just like they split their adrenochrome—70/30.” a source close to the Gates family said.

Bill and Melinda have both agreed to see other lizard people.