UNITED STATES—President Biden broke a record today after uttering his first fully coherent sentence of his presidency. The sentence? “Why is the Oval Office shaped like an oval?”

The news has gone viral and is sending shockwaves throughout the nation. The White House is planning a major gala to celebrate this remarkable achievement. Foreign heads of state and other dignitaries from around the world have been invited to attend the event.

“This is truly an historical moment,” VP Kamala Harris said. “No president has ever been able to complete a sentence, not until President Biden came along and broke that record. This should teach everyone that the president is capable of achieving whatever he wants, as long as he puts his mind to it.”

Guests at the gala were astonished yet again when Biden uttered his second fully coherent sentence of his presidency, “Pass the tuna fish.”

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Rafi Metz

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