WASHINGTON DC—The Warren Commission has published the official explanation of how Joe Biden—a candidate with record low enthusiasm—flipped several swing states in the middle of the night after vote counting had been stopped and observers were removed to defeat the most popular sitting president in recent history who got 10 million more votes than his first election.

The Commission is calling it the “magic ballot” theory. Hundreds of thousands of totally legitimate ballots magically appeared at the counting places in Democratically-run cities in the middle of the night and they were magically 95- to 100- percent for Joe Biden because science.

The Warren Commission, which has been inactive since issuing its thoroughly convincing Warren Report on the Kennedy Assassination, said that there was absolutely no fraud in the 2020 presidential election whatsoever, just like there was no conspiracy to kill President Kennedy.

Dan Rather, who made his name reporting on the Kennedy assassination in 1963 and supporting the Warren Report a year later said that the 2020 Warren Report was dead on.

“The same people who believe that there was fraud in the 2020 election are the same wackos who think a magic bullet didn’t hit Kennedy in the back of his head, exit through his throat, move a couple feet in front and to the left to hit Governor Connally with a total of seven entry/exit wounds,” Rather said. “Complete loonies!”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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