Is there anything more exciting and inspirational than a rags to riches story? Enter one delightful black….uh white, no, black-ish Rachel Dolezal.
For those who are unfamiliar with this heroine, she is the woman…no, black woman….no, white woman of color that everyone’s talking about. Rachel, however, has claimed to be black though admitted to being a melanin challenged white person of color (MCWPOC).
Dolezal has officially identified as the misunderstood justice warrior Colin Kaepernick, and has immediately been signed by the Denver Broncos.
Our undercover sports reporter, Balls TuWall, has discovered that Rachel has been working out in anticipation of getting tapped for the QB position with the Broncos. At least 5 times daily she protests with either BLM, WLM, BrwnLM, YelLM, and RedLM. She has single handedly burned down at least 17 Wendy’s and defaced over 24 MLK statues. This girl is rockin’ it and has never been in better shape to lead the Broncos.
And the best thing about Rachel is that she is now able to throw a Nerf football with either hand. Unfortunately her hands are too small to throw a regular football but Tom Brady has been consulted and has a few interesting ideas.
Being an MCWPOC (Melanin Challenged White Person of Color) has given her certain privileges. Well, since she is 100% white, it’s actually wWhite privilege. However, unlike Colin, who was raised by loving 100% White parents, which is why he’s always so angry, Rachel was raised by a pack of non-binary wolves.
Life for Rachel has been hard as a Melanin challenged POS, sorry, POC. The stress of her heading up the NAAWPOC (National Association for the Advancement of White People of Color), Professor of Blackish Studies, Diversity Trainer for the ‘race-challenged’, and now an African Princess named Nkechi Amare Diallo, have all taken their toll. Now that BLM has promoted her to ‘White Spokesperson of Color’, life should improve.
And indeed life has improved immeasurably. Just today, as Rachel identified as the great Colin Kaepernick, she received a call from the front office of the Denver Broncos to offer her a 30 year $100,000,000 contract as starting Quarterback. The Broncos owner, Pat Bowlen, said, “We are sorry for being born non-black fabulously wealthy rich white folks. Sure, Rachel has never thrown a real football but we see this as an opportunity to start from scratch and train her to be the winner she already is.”
However, Rachel is conflicted. Her artwork has been sought by Museums throughout the world fetching 12 figures and beyond. See for yourself as displayed above. Amazing, right? Art critics haven’t been this excited in decades, and GT will be on it like white on rice….sorry, like burnt umber on quinoa, so stay tuned.