Des Moines Woman Says She Discovered Miraculous Candy Corn
DES MOINES — A woman in central Iowa reported Thursday that a piece of candy corn in a newly opened...
Culture
Biblical Scholars Now Conclude that Judas’s 30 Pieces of Silver Were Supplied by USAID
JERUSALEM — A consortium of biblical historians and institutional-funding analysts announced Monday that the thirty pieces of silver paid to...
She Only Consented to the First 5 Guys in the Ketamine-Fueled Orgy You Sickos!
Let us dispense at once with the crude binary now dominating discussion of the October 2024 Chi Phi incident. The...
AOC: Religion, Patriarchy, and Homophobia are Evil, Unless You’re Muslim, In Which Case, They’re Diversity
Let me be crystal, like, structurally clear: religion, patriarchy, and homophobia are violence. Not “beliefs.” Violence. They are how power...
BREAKING: UK Terror suspects all released after explaining that terror is an expression of their religion
UNITED KINGDOM—Five men arrested near RAF Fairford on suspicion of preparing a terrorist act and explosives offences have been released...
Talarico: ‘We Should Mandate Abortions Unless Parent Pledges to Raise the Baby Trans’
AUSTIN — U.S. Senate candidate James Talarico said Saturday that the federal government should require abortions for American citizens unless...
Local Single Guy Complains to Father of 5 That He’s Been Really Busy Lately
US—A local single man reportedly expressed concern Wednesday that he has been “really busy lately,” prompting a brief and respectful...
Local Mother Threatens to Move Kids to Massachusetts If They Don’t Start ‘Behaving Right Now!’
US—A local mother announced Friday that continued disorderly conduct by her children will result in the family’s immediate relocation to...
Sydney Sweeney Issues Heartfelt Apology to Critics for Being So Attractive
LOS ANGELES — Actress Sydney Sweeney issued a lengthy, unprompted apology Friday to critics who have spent years pointing out...
Introducing Sharia Barbie with hijab, Quran, and a forced marriage license!
Toy maker Mattel has introduced a wonderful toy for all the girls and boys who identify as girls out there:...
