Santa Claus hopes to make it down 50% more chimneys after a year on Ozempic
In a stunning announcement from the North Pole today, Santa Claus revealed that he has lost an estimated 400 pounds...
Culture
Local kids announce they are ‘starving’ 2 minutes after leaving a party with endless amounts of food they didn’t touch
In a heartbreaking turn of events that has stunned parents and child hunger advocates alike, a group of local elementary...
PETITION: Presidential Medal of Freedom for LAPD Sergeant Al Powell, Hero during 1988 Terrorist Attack at Nakatomi Plaza
Washington, D.C. — A Genesius Times petition launched this week has garnered over 150,000 signatures calling for President Biden to...
James Gunn Passes on Chance to Make Any Money on Supergirl Film by not Casting Sydney Sweeney
Hollywood, CA — In a move that has left studio accountants weeping openly into their spreadsheets, DC Studios co-CEO James...
BREAKING: Immigrants demand their host country become more like the horrible place they fled from
New York / London / Berlin – In a bold display of cultural appreciation, thousands of newly arrived immigrants took...
Gen Z Olympics: Dutch Unknown Casually Scrolls Past Germany to Win Inaugural 200 m Doomscroll Gold
PARIS (GT) – In a result that has left German sports psychologists quietly scheduling emergency sessions, an unheralded 23-year-old from...
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the...
Michigan Bans ‘Assault Bacon’ Following Dearborn Melee
LANSING, MI – In a bold move to protect public safety and promote interfaith harmony, Governor Gretchen Whitmer signed an...
Connecting Financial Education to Real Life
Financial education is often treated as a subject to memorize — a list of terms, formulas, and abstract concepts that...
Avoiding Emotional Spending
Most advice about emotional spending starts with budgets and apps. I want to begin a little closer to home. Before...
