Chicago Bulls Fire Jaden Ivey for Failing to Meet NBA Minimum on Baby Mamas and Cocaine Usage
Chicago, IL — In a stunning move that has sent shockwaves through the league, the Chicago Bulls announced Tuesday the...
Culture
BREAKING: White smoke in Tel Aviv indicates that Israel has chosen a new OnlyFans CEO
TEL AVIV — In a development that has left both religious scholars and content creators equally bewildered, thick plumes of...
Women Too Stupid To Get I.D. Relieved To Not Have To Vote Anymore
In a stunning development hailed as both liberating and patriotic, millions of American women have reportedly been freed from the...
2026 Oscars replaced with 2 hours of sustained yelling at a picture of Donald Trump
In a move that even the most jaded Academy voters are calling “pure, unadulterated Oceania chic,” the Motion Picture Academy...
2001: A Space Odyssey Remake Highlights HAL 9000 with ChatGPT Upgrade
Los Angeles, March 2026 — In a move that has already been described as “both inevitable and deeply unnecessary,” Warner...
Protestant quarterback doesn’t throw the ball because his faith alone is enough to win
In a stunning display of doctrinal consistency that left analysts scratching their helmets, Protestant quarterback Caleb Sola of the Reformation...
CNN’s This Day in Teen Tourism on Abnormally Warm Weather History: 2004 Madrid Train Massacre
On a crisp yet unseasonably pleasant early spring morning in Madrid, a group of young visitors from various backgrounds decided...
FACT CHECK: Ben Shapiro’s Eyebrows Grow in Direct Proportion to Number of Bombs Dropped in the Middle East
In a groundbreaking peer-reviewed study, researchers at the Institute for Things That Sound About Right have confirmed what internet commentators...
Local men dominate International Women’s Day celebration
SPRINGFIELD — In a display of what organizers described as “unprecedented solidarity and lived experience,” this year’s International Women’s Day...
Sources say that Iran has elected Barack Obama as the new Supreme Leader
Tehran, Iran — In a stunning development, anonymous sources close to the Assembly of Experts have confirmed that Iran has...
