BREAKING: FBI conclude that Jeffrey Epstein never existed
In a shocking turn of events, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has announced that Jeffrey Epstein, the disgraced financier and...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: The FBI finally done scrubbing video to make it look like no one entered Jeffrey Epstein’s cell the night he was suicided
NEW YORK—In a stunning display of transparency and technological wizardry, the FBI has released what it claims is the definitive,...
BREAKING: Disney names P. Diddy new CEO citing appeal with children
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In a surprising move, Disney has announced that music mogul P. Diddy—who now goes by the pseudonym...
Senator Tillis Delivers Fiery CNN Audition Tape
In a performance that had cable news executives scrambling for their contracts, North Carolina Senator Thom Tillis unleashed a red-hot...
Walmart pulls Fried Chicken & Watermelon ‘Juneteenth’ ice cream after backlash
LOS ANGELES—Walmart has apologized for the Juneteenth items that its selling at its stores, specifically the Watermelon & Fried Chicken...
Protesters firebomb the country they live in and hate so they aren’t deported and have to go back to the country they love
LOS ANGELES—In a dazzling display of logic-defying activism, anti-ICE protesters turned the streets of Los Angeles into a blazing paradox...
Walmart opens new ‘Loot!’ section in all of its California stores
UNITED STATES—Walmart CEO Dan McMillon announced today that Walmart will have a special looting section in all of its San...
EYEWITNESS: Local baby recounts harrowing experience when she realized there was a fire in a neighborhood building
In a jaw-dropping exclusive with 18-month-old local legend Emma "Giggles" Thompson, the tiny tot channeled the spirit of viral sensation...
BREAKING: Federal judge orders bombs removed from Tesla dealership to be put back and detonated
Federal Judge Hugh Jassole has ordered that a cache of bombs, recently removed from a Tesla dealership, be promptly returned...
BREAKING: Trump agrees to transfer illegal gang members to the houses of judges who say he can’t deport them
Trump has responded to a federal district court judge's blocking the deportation of hundreds of Tren de Aragua gang members...
