Bondi Vows to ‘Fully Honor’ Epstein File Transparency by Ensuring Zero Arrests from Released Documents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move hailed by legal scholars as “the most transparent non-prosecution in American history,” Attorney General...
Newsbeat
Ask Your Provider About Switching to Genesius Times
Do you like your satire but have been noticing some "discomfort?" Maybe you should ask your provider about switching to...
Babylon Bee changes name to The MaccaBee: Christian Zionist Satire
The Babylon Bee – that erstwhile beacon of evangelical eye-rolls – has officially shed its insectile moniker for The MaccaBee,...
BREAKING: Trump responds to Comey’s ‘8647’ post with ‘FAFO’ post
WASHINGTON, DC—President Donald Trump, currently embroiled in his second term, responded to a cryptic social media post by former FBI...
The Daily Dumpster Fire: Episode 2
Chad Furthingrotten & Karen Bubbletitch are back, torching the news with savage wit! Society’s imploding faster than a bad TikTok...
Kash Patel says FBI considering making up a ‘bunch of other fake ass texts’ to incriminate accomplices in Charlie Kirk shooting
Washington, D.C. —In an unusually candid admission, current FBI Director Kash Patel told reporters Friday that the Bureau is considering...
To Avoid Prosecution, Killer’s ‘Furry’ Roomie Agrees To Be Spay & Neutered
SALT LAKE CITY, UT —A self-identified transgender “furry” has agreed to undergo spaying and neutering to avoid prosecution for harboring...
Federal judge overturns the arrest of Charlie Kirk killer: ‘We’re not even sure assassination is against the law anymore’
UTAH—Federal Judge Huga Wokehammer (they/them) overturned the arrest of Tyler Robinson, the suspected shooter in the assassination of conservative firebrand...
BREAKING: Democrats promise to keep killing people until you give up your guns
WASHINGTON, DC—Congressional Democrats have promised to keep killing people until you give up your guns. Former Speaker of the House...
Brave NC Judge Sentences Knife To Life In The Utensil Drawer
CHARLOTTE, NC — Judge Teresa Stokes has sentenced a knife to life imprisonment without parole in a utensil drawer. The...
