BREAKING: Police Release Image of Brown University Shooting Suspect
PROVIDENCE, RI — In a bold move to accelerate the capture of the gunman responsible for Saturday's tragic shooting at...
Newsbeat
PETITION: Presidential Medal of Freedom for LAPD Sergeant Al Powell, Hero during 1988 Terrorist Attack at Nakatomi Plaza
Washington, D.C. — A Genesius Times petition launched this week has garnered over 150,000 signatures calling for President Biden to...
If You Don’t Want to Be Set on Fire While Sleeping on a Train by a Repeat Offender, You’re Probably a Racist Bigot
In these enlightened times, it's become increasingly clear that personal safety is a luxury reserved for the privileged few who...
Bondi Vows to ‘Fully Honor’ Epstein File Transparency by Ensuring Zero Arrests from Released Documents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move hailed by legal scholars as “the most transparent non-prosecution in American history,” Attorney General...
Ask Your Provider About Switching to Genesius Times
Do you like your satire but have been noticing some "discomfort?" Maybe you should ask your provider about switching to...
Babylon Bee changes name to The MaccaBee: Christian Zionist Satire
The Babylon Bee – that erstwhile beacon of evangelical eye-rolls – has officially shed its insectile moniker for The MaccaBee,...
BREAKING: Trump responds to Comey’s ‘8647’ post with ‘FAFO’ post
WASHINGTON, DC—President Donald Trump, currently embroiled in his second term, responded to a cryptic social media post by former FBI...
The Daily Dumpster Fire: Episode 2
Chad Furthingrotten & Karen Bubbletitch are back, torching the news with savage wit! Society’s imploding faster than a bad TikTok...
Kash Patel says FBI considering making up a ‘bunch of other fake ass texts’ to incriminate accomplices in Charlie Kirk shooting
Washington, D.C. —In an unusually candid admission, current FBI Director Kash Patel told reporters Friday that the Bureau is considering...
To Avoid Prosecution, Killer’s ‘Furry’ Roomie Agrees To Be Spay & Neutered
SALT LAKE CITY, UT —A self-identified transgender “furry” has agreed to undergo spaying and neutering to avoid prosecution for harboring...
