Brave local man cuts off his penis so that other men won’t rape people with theirs
SPRINGFIELD—A brave local man, Hugh Janus, has cut off his penis so that other men won't rape people. This follows...
Science
REPORT: New Study Finds Men Who Have Taken The Covid Vaccine May Not Be Able To Get Pregnant
San Francisco, CA - In a groundbreaking scientific discovery, a new study has shaken the foundations of biology as we...
BREAKING: AOC forced to pay a carbon offset penalty for her livestream flatulent
WASSHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), often recognized for her passionate climate advocacy, has found herself in hot air - quite...
Biden offers ancient mummified dead aliens in Mexico free health care and $6,000 a month if they come to America
WASHINGTON, DC—In a move that has raised eyebrows across the galaxy, President* Joe Biden has announced an unprecedented immigration incentive...
Biden urges Floridians to protect themselves from Hurricane Idalia by ‘getting vaccinated now’
In an unexpected twist, President Biden has unveiled his latest strategy for disaster preparedness: encouraging Floridians to protect themselves from...
BREAKING: Hurricane Monica blows through DC as Hurricane Hilary peters out in California
In a bizarre twist of meteorological fate, the nation has been treated to an unusual double feature – Hurricane Monica...
Government Reminds Everyone To Back Up Their Computer Hard Drives Just In Case Hurricane Hilary Deletes Their Emails
UNITED STATES—As Hurricane Hilary makes its way into Southern California and the southwestern United States, government officials are warning citizens...
NOAA Says Next Tropical Storm To Be Transgender, Will Be Called “Tropical Storm They/Them”
WASHINGTON, DC—The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration – NOAA – said on Friday that the next tropical storm will be...
Alex Jones uses his full power to protect the last 2 straight frogs during pride month
In a stunning display of amphibian activism, renowned conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has emerged as the unlikely champion for the...
New Disney ride instantly transitions all riders to another gender
Warning: Disney is not responsible if the ride causes nausea, vomiting or the appearance of Donald Trump Jr. when the...
