Fauci: ‘Face masks aren’t necessary if you put your hands like this’
WASHINGTON—Tippy top infectious disease expert and America’s doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci has released new guidelines
Science
Cuomo: ‘Pizza is a substantive food unless you put pineapple on it’
NEW YORK—Governor Andrew Cuomo, in a lengthy explanation of possibly the most arbitrary government mandate
CDC admits to using Common Core math to add up new COVID cases
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have admitted to using Common Core math
Newsom mandates leather face masks so Californians can literally lick boots while being bootlickers
SACRAMENTO—Gov. Gavin Newsom has issued a statewide order mandating that all Californians wear leather face
Bill Gates infuriated that they keep coming up with cheap cures to his coronavirus bioweapon
REDMOND, WA—Billionaire and Bond Supervillain Bill Gates is incresingly infuriated that doctors and health practitioners
Activists furious that people are driving on the murals they painted on the street where cars go
Black Lives Matter activists around the country are livid after it has become apparent that
500 lb. helmet made to keep all of Colin Kaepernick’s hair perfect during next NFL game
Astrophysicists have been tasked with creating a football helmet to keep Colin Kaepernick‘s hair perfect
97% of experts say burning all American cities to the ground is the best way to fight climate change
Climate change arsonism is “catching fire” among youth and college students
Rude asteroid ignores all guidance on social distancing with Earth
Looks like the looting, riots, arson and mayhem have pissed someone off. We think we
Bill Gates installs several sharknados in tropical storm Cristobal; says he’s working on the cure
Bill Gates has installed several sharknados in the tropical storm Cristobal making landfall later today.