Science

STAR TREK: Woketard Academy Episode 1

Exavier Saskagoochie January 25, 2026 0

In the not-so-distant future of 24th-century wokeness, welcome to Star Trek: Woketard Academy — where merit is microaggression, competence is...

Greta Thunberg’s Global Warming Conference cancelled due to sub-arctic freezing temps

Exavier Saskagoochie January 23, 2026 0

A symposium sponsored by the International Global Warming Trust was cancelled today in Michigan as temperatures dipped below -50 degrees...

BREAKING: Trump cancels Global Warming in latest executive order

Exavier Saskagoochie January 23, 2026 0

THE SOUTH—In a move that has stunned scientists and political observers alike, President Donald Trump, one day after his inauguration,...

Santa Claus hopes to make it down 50% more chimneys after a year on Ozempic

Exavier Saskagoochie December 20, 2025 0

In a stunning announcement from the North Pole today, Santa Claus revealed that he has lost an estimated 400 pounds...

97% of climate scientists agree that we only have 18 months to save their jobs

Exavier Saskagoochie December 1, 2025 0

An international body of nearly 100 climate scientists convened by the United Nations have issued a stern warning to the...

Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years

Exavier Saskagoochie October 31, 2025 0

A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I...

Local liberal urges friends to ‘Trust the science (but not the science that disproves my argument)’

Exavier Saskagoochie September 23, 2025 0

Local progressive activist Karen Witherspoon held a press conference today outside the Cedar Springs Community Center, passionately urging residents to...

Experts blame climate change for making them use cloud-seeding tech to cause massive flooding throughout US

Exavier Saskagoochie August 14, 2025 0

NEW YORK—Government officials have blamed climate change for making them use cloud-seeding technology to cause massive flooding throughout the United...