Science

AOC: ‘These poor pumpkins have been drained of their spice by illegal poachers; this needs to stop!’

September 15, 2022 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

I don't know who needs to hear it, but pumpkin spice poaching is not okay. I just visited a field...

BREAKING: Biden eliminates all cancer in the U.S. by changing the definition of cancer to ‘disease no one has’

September 13, 2022 Exavier Saskagoochie

WASHINGTON, DC—Just a day after President* Joe Biden vowed to eliminate cancer in his Cancer Moonshot, he has succeeded 100%....

Newsom unveils bold plan for free 100% renewable energy for California

September 7, 2022 Exavier Saskagoochie

SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom is sick and tired of waiting for the federal government to lead the way in fighting climate...

Ocasio-Cortez to overturn the law of gravity because it’s ‘oppressing us’

August 30, 2022 Exavier Saskagoochie

WASHINGTON, DC—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made another bold legislative move promising to overturn the law of gravity because, "it's oppressing us." "When...

Lizzo urges fans to vote to overturn the law of gravity which is ‘oppressing us’

August 29, 2022 Exavier Saskagoochie

US—Obese singer Lizzo used her moment in the spotlight at MTV’s Video Music Awards (VMAs) to urge her fans to...

Branch Covidians hold candlelight vigil after learning Fauci will be stepping down

August 22, 2022 Exavier Saskagoochie

US—Adherents to the fastest growing religion in the country, the Branch Covidian cult, held candlelight vigils across the country after...

Historians remove Nicolaus Copernicus for denying scientific consensus

August 13, 2022 Exavier Saskagoochie

US—Nicolaus Copernicus was a Renaissance polymath, active as a mathematician, astronomer, and Catholic canon, whose statements frequently contradict the scientific consensus on the Earth...