BREAKING: America elects Literally Hitler as president despite Joe Scarborough’s warnings
America has elected "Literally Hitler" as its president, despite numerous warnings from Joe Scarborough and other political commentators. The news...
World
We need to let millions of foreigners vote this election because a majority of Americans don’t know what’s good for them obviously
Greetings, fellow Earthlings of all genders and species. I am Mx. Sandra Chou, PhD PhD, the most intersectionally progressive being...
I’d Rather Have a Thermonuclear World War with Kamala Harris Than World Peace Under Trump
As the most intersectionally progressive person in the world, a transwoman trapped inside the body of a transman, I’ve seen...
BREAKING: Korean flamethrower squirrels have reached the US
Hot on the heals of the dual plagues of COVID-19 and the Asian murder hornets, Korean flamethrower squirrels have reached...
BREAKING: Harris reassures North Carolina hurricane victims that the US will be donating another $200 billion to Ukraine in their name
AUGUSTA, GA—In a deeply emotional press conference today, Vice President Kamala Harris addressed the people of North Carolina who are...
BREAKING: Never-before-seen photo from Tiananmen Square Massacre shows Tim Walz doing weird dance in front of tanks before being run over
In a shocking historical twist that no one saw coming (except for those watching the tanks), a never-before-seen photo has...
BREAKING: North Carolina changes its name to Ukraine to get federal funding after devastating Hurricane Helene
RALEIGH, NC—In a bold move to secure desperately needed federal funding in the wake of Hurricane Helene, North Carolina Governor...
Victims of Hurricane Helene identifying as illegal immigrants so they can get some federal aid from the Biden-Harris administration
ASHVILLE, NC—Victims of Hurricane Helene in North Carolina have discovered a clever life hack: identifying as illegal immigrants in order...
Guinness World Records awards Mossad for ‘Most Vasectomies at One Time’ surpassing 2024 Democratic Convention
In a ceremony filled with pomp and, ironically, very little circumstance, Guinness World Records awarded the Israeli Mossad the coveted...
If you don’t want your pets stolen and eaten by immigrants, you may be a racist homophobe bigot
There’s a new form of bigotry taking root in this country—one that’s just as insidious as anything we’ve seen before....
