The Democratic National Committee has approved a new format for the first Democratic debate in the 2020 presidential election: a live auction.
Famed auctioneer Bobby “T-Bone” Williams will preside over the auction in which democratic candidates will try and out bid each other for votes using other people’s money.
“It’s a rather genius format,” DNC Chair Tom Perez said in a conference. “Basically the entire race has become a bidding war to see what candidate can offer more taxpayer money to people, so we just decided to make it official with a real live auctioneer.”
The process will follow national livestock trading auctioneering rules in which the auctioneer will say a price and contestants will raise their hand to indicate that they are willing to spend that amount of other people’s money on people.
“It really could get out of hand quickly. From Yang promising universal basic income to Kamala Harris promising slave reparations to Beto promising Cinco de Mayo reparations to Bernie who just wants straight up communism, it’s going to get pricey early.”
Perez wants everyone to know that the contestants are bidding strictly with other people’s money (tax dollars) and not their own. “That wouldn’t be very fun,” Perez said. “People are way stingier with their own money. Hahahahaha.”