Dems ban red plastic Solo cups because they ‘look too much like MAGA hats’

Jerry Nadler and Chuck Schumer have introduced legislation to ban the large plastic red cups used in beer pong due to their similarities with the racist red MAGA hats. Riots have been planned in both the US and abroad. National Guard and the Military have both been placed on high alert.

They explained to the NYT that these cups, being bright red, caused many college students and millennials to consider changing party affiliation. Through their permanently ensconced beer goggles, all they could see is red, reminding them of ‘red states’ and thus felt beer pong was overwhelmingly supported by Republicans and Conservatives alike.

Solo, the maker of the cups, responded to the complaint explaining that cups were available in both red and blue. It was suggested red cups could be covered in other colored foil or streamer paper but that was met with intense resistance. Both College students and Millennials felt this was a job for their parents and refused to be involved in any such activities.

Environmentalists, including Greta Thunberg, were also set to riot as using foil on plastic cups and not on baked potatoes was against the Paris Climate Accords.

Democrats redoubling their efforts to eliminate the red cups claimed that college students and Millennials were too impressionable, unable to think for themselves, thus retreating to safe spaces; ingesting only milk and cookies and watching Bevis and Butthead reruns.