Ellen Degeneres claims lynching of staff members does not constitute a hostile work environment

Ellen Degeneres may be the most likeable and affable daytime talk show host who has ever lived. Ever. But over the last several months countless staff members have come forward claiming when the cameras are no longer rolling she is a total monster.

GT’s daytime talk show reporter, Theresa Pap Smear, has uncovered some very disturbing news regarding staff treatment. She recently learned there is no ‘medical leave’ afforded to staff members no matter what their illness. In fact, during the pandemic she set up a mini-ICU with over a dozen ventilators for staff to use. They were taken off ventilators during showtime, then put back on ventilators after they completed their work. That is soooo sweet.

Bereavement leave was another thing the staff complained about. Instead of allowing staff to visit departed loved ones, she had the frozen bodies flown to Burbank where the bereaved were able to have a formal viewing during commercial breaks. And as a special bonus, Ellen did offer to eventually go to the grave site and do a little dance on the departed’s grave. Interestingly enough, no staff member to date has taken her up on her degenerous offer.

Ellen, being all in for Biden and the Democrats, you would think would be hiring union members exclusively. You would be wrong. In fact, she has hired non-union members exclusively and with the money saved has commissioned Gucci Gallows to be constructed. Non-cooperative staff members are to be lynched, drawn and quartered, heads piked and left to rot in the SoCal sun. This could explain her staff turnover rates.

You have to feel sorry for Ellen. Like many in Hollywood her net worth has dropped from $400,000,000 to around $330,000,000. No worries. Her audiences have already contributed over $50,000,000. Well, actually they enter the studio via the Gucci Gallows whereby donations were accepted. Seeing former staff members swinging and head piked seemed to do the trick. And sometimes Ellen herself would climb up the gallows and do that endearing little dance she does while passing the hat around. Now where can we get a “We Love Ellen” bumper sticker?