Ellen Page secures her first Oscar for putting on a hat

In front of a live audience, actress Ellen Page announced that she is a transexual. Her bravery secured her America’s most important award: the Oscar.

In order to earn her first Academy Award, Ellen had to change her name, publicly identify as a man and put on a hat. She also has to indefinitely pretend to be a straight male with lady-parts rather than a lesbian as she claimed in 2014.

Ellen has yet to land the role needed for her nomination for the film industry’s most woke award. She is allegedly searching for more dramatic roles rather than the quirky character she typically plays.

Like Dustin Hoffman in ‘Rainman’ or Sean Penn in ‘I am Sam,’ Page wants to play a mentally handicapped character to capture the Academy’s attention. It’s expected that her next character has a 41 percent chance of killing himself on-screen.

Regardless of her performance or Oscar competition, Ellen’s commitment to her off-screen role is enough to guarantee her the award. Academy voters who would vote against Ellen would be transphobic, and in Hollywood, the only thing worse than being transphobic is being a Trump supporter.